A Personal Journey of Overcoming Adversity and Reclaiming Health
The last couple of years, the idea of testosterone levels and their effects on health (mainly, mine), has become a big focus for me. It all started with covid…
The Impact of COVID-19 on Routine and Well-being
Regardless of your personal beliefs on it, back during the beginning of 2020 when we shut down, I went from lifting weights regularly (3 or 4 times per week) to not at all. I moved in with my girlfriend so I could spend time with her during the two weeks (that became several months) of the shut down. Those months became us hanging out each morning, eating whatever we wanted. I thought a few weeks of easy eating and casual at-home workouts (which I just don’t have the ability to keep as intense as proper weight lifting) wouldn’t be that big a deal.
But, surprisingly, I found myself incredibly unhappy.
- I was stressed all the time (the pandemic’s constant news cycle of reminding me how close to death I was and how dangerous the air around me is seemed to be a downer).
- I was grumpy and depressed (things never felt like they were going to get better – again, a big thanks to news cycles prepping us for doom and gloom).
- I was tired all the time (I felt like I slept a lot but damn if it didn’t do anything).
- Work was hard (I worked at a long-term care facility for adults with developmental disabilities and the sudden shift from taking care of them and doing daily activities to, wear a mask and try not to kill them we’re all going to die ohmigod was a downer).
- I wasn’t able to lift weights (this, to me, is the greatest thing in the world, I love it so much and I wasn’t able to do my passion because it would supposedly kill someone’s grandmother).
- My diet wasn’t as clean as it could be (which is fine, to a degree. Emily and I were enjoying our early courtship in the hardest circumstances possible and making it work).
- I was pretty sedentary most of the time (when I wasn’t at work we were sitting around watching TV and playing games. We lived in a studio apartment, there wasn’t much space to move around).
The Culmination: Decline in Sex Drive
And all these things truly culminated into what was the biggest sign of my wellbeing dropping: my sex drive plummeted.
Now, I’ve known men (and still know men) who immediately would respond, “not me! Nah, man, my sex drive never dips.” I know, because I was one of those people who never thought it would hit me, but it did. I just didn’t feel up to anything. It was nothing to do with anyone else but me. I was grumpy and pissy and didn’t want to go for walks, I didn’t want to do my at-home workouts – life just lost its luster. My testosterone levels were lower than I’d ever had and at 31 (at the time) it wasn’t right.
Turning Point: Taking Action
I knew I needed to do something but with the world shut down for 3 months, I just had to grin and bear it. I could clap at 7 pm (or whatever time) and scream for nurses and that was about it. It all came to a peak in early May when Emily and I went for a long walk for her birthday. We walked from Lincoln Park where we lived all the way down to the Water Tower near Downtown. It was slightly warm and I didn’t want to wear a light jacket and in each and every single window, I saw my reflection and saw who I had become. My stomach and chest jiggled ever so slightly. I felt myself let my shoulder cave forward a bit to avoid looking “too fat,” something I hadn’t done in years. I kept casually asking Emily if I looked like I gained weight (and what was she supposed to say to that? Of course, she said no, but I couldn’t believe her).
And that was when I decided “fuck this.” This is not who I want to be. I would not become another dadbod walking around with a light layer of shame over myself and trying to convince my ego that it’s okay because, well, “it happens to everyone.”
Steps to Reclaiming Health and Happiness
So what did I do? Well:
- Intensified Home Workouts: I immediately began to take my home workouts more seriously. No fucking excuses. You can get it in no matter what, you just have to make it happen.
- Avoided Negative Media: I quit looking at Reddit and stopped looking at anything news-related. If it’s not immediately in my circle or affecting me directly, I don’t care. And don’t give me “it affects us all on a global scale,” BS. I understand how the world works, I’m just not going to waste the mental energy on that when I could be using it to better myself and my small circle.
- Changed Mindset: Fuck all that being scared and nervous crap. I’m not scared because there’s a loud noise outside my door. I roll out of bed and go after it. I’m not worried about it being cold. I go to the cold. Mindset is everything and when it comes to your life and your testosterone. Go after it.
After that, things began to change
- Improved Diet: I cleaned up my diet. I can still enjoy my life but I don’t need processed shit food to enjoy it. I was blessed that Emily was on board. It was who I was and she accepted and supported that. I ate more protein, healthier fats and made sure the carbs supported my activity level.
- Managed Stress through Meditation: I meditated and eased up on my stress. I acknowledged I wasn’t where I was supposed to be when it came to handling my stress and I changed it. Anyone can.
- Career Transition: I made a plan and began to transition to working for myself (and now I’m nearing one year of working for myself).
- Resumed Weight Lifting: As soon as the lockdown ended I hit the weights like they insulted my mother and I never looked back.
Final Thoughts: Empowerment and Personal Responsibility
There’s no excuse for any man to let this happen to him. You can say anything you want, I don’t care, there’s no excuse. We all face adversity. We all have busy lives. I understand it’s easy for me as a young man in his early 30s to all of a sudden to work for myself. I get that I don’t have kids and me and my fiancée have solid income to be happy and do what we want.
But I put myself in that situation. I made those choices. You make the choices that shape you and you handle the ones you can’t choose. I didn’t choose to go through divorce back in 2019 / 2020, but I handled it like a fucking man. And (knock on wood) if I were to have to go through anything else (cancer, death in family, forced change in career), I’ll have a small moment where I wallow in my sorrow and then I’ll fucking punch it in the face and handle it.
NEVER weaken in the face of adversity. And while this entire thing has been written towards men and their testosterone levels, this goes to every gender everywhere. None of that really matters when it comes to being whatever you want to be. I use these words, simply because I don’t have a large enough vocabulary to word it otherwise (and don’t really care to try and word it differently) but Man The Fuck Up and handle your shit.
Get together
Stop letting media tell you how to feel. Things will always be hard. Remember in the early 2000s when Osama Bin Laden was going to come and take your land? When drugs were going to ruin everything you’ve ever held dear? Remember when hippies were going to be the downfall of America? For fuck’s sake, ignore that shit. They don’t care about you. They care about the attention and money they get from pumping you full of fear.
Stop being so swayed by marketing. You don’t need testosterone supplements or replacement therapy. Fucking handle your business and take the right steps and it’ll get there. THEN if you’re not where you want to be, talk to a doctor. GNC doesn’t care about your manhood, they care about making you feel like you’re not good enough. They care about taking your money. BMO Harris doesn’t care about your sexuality and letting you “live with pride.” They couldn’t care less about who you have sex with. They want your money. Stop feeling connections to corporations.
Stop eating dogshit food. Have some respect for your body and your agency. You’re able to be and do anything if you just go after it. Papa John’s and Pepsi aren’t going to get you there.
Stop being so negative on yourself and on the world. Stop taking politics so personally. I don’t care your stance on taxes. Who you voted for. I just want you happy. I want you healthy. Full of vigor and aggressive positivity.
Just go after what you want for fuck’s sake because it’s led me to be the happiest I’ve ever been and I want everyone to feel this way.